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Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Ilovesteptoe » Thu Jan 12, 2017 11:21 am

My wife said to me once: Darling, have you ever wanted to be more adventurous with our sex life? I replied back: What do you mean adventurous? Wife: Well, let's do something more exciting. Make love to me when I least expect it. Me: Okay. You've asked for it, but before we do, let's move your mother's coffin, then do it in that hole. :shock:
Cheer if you love Steptoe & Son!

You dirty old man, cow son! Bognor here we come!
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Ilovesteptoe » Sat Feb 04, 2017 7:19 pm

My mother said: Pubert, when you grow up you'll be able to have relations with girls. I said: What, you mean have dad join in? :?
Last edited by Ilovesteptoe on Wed Aug 16, 2017 7:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Cheer if you love Steptoe & Son!

You dirty old man, cow son! Bognor here we come!
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Ilovesteptoe » Sat Aug 12, 2017 6:56 pm

Donald Trump. Nuff said. 8)
Cheer if you love Steptoe & Son!

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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Dirty Old Yank » Fri Mar 02, 2018 5:10 pm

"...I once worked a mafia club that was so tough, the specialty was broken leg of lamb."
--Rodney Dangerfield

"...This guy was so tough, for six months after he died the bartenders didn't steal in case it was a trick."
--Lenny Bruce
"I'm a rag n' bone man, I'm not a poxy grave robber!"
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Uncle Nobby » Mon Mar 12, 2018 1:43 pm

Ivor Biggun wrote:
Can we say John Thomas?
Sun Jul 08, 2012 7:50 pm P3,

Or to misquote a Goons character, can we say Hugh Jampton?

https://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/get-on-my-wick.html
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Dirty Old Yank » Mon Jul 02, 2018 9:37 am

Ilovesteptoe wrote:Donald Trump. Nuff said. 8)

Have you heard? Aforesaid billionaire went to a mind reader...
...she only charged him half price :roll:.
"I'm a rag n' bone man, I'm not a poxy grave robber!"
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Dirty Old Yank » Thu Sep 06, 2018 1:22 pm

“Years ago my wife and I made a deal, we only smoke after sex. I got the same pack now since 1975.
What troubles me is my wife, she’s up to 3 packs a day. The other night in front of my house I saw
a guy jogging naked, I said to him how come? He said because you came home early. I got no sex
life, a girl saw me naked and asked if there's a finder's fee. My wife can’t cook, are you kidding?
In my house, you pray after we eat. My kids are no help either......the other day I told my kid
someday you’ll have children of your own, he said so will you. I got a strange doctor, I told
him every day I wake up look in the mirror and want to throw up, what’s wrong with me?
He said I don’t know but your eyesight is perfect! He didn’t help me lose weight either,
he told me to run five miles a day for two weeks. I called him up and said doc, I’m 70
miles from my house." ---Rodney Dangerfield.
"I'm a rag n' bone man, I'm not a poxy grave robber!"
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby snodge » Thu Sep 06, 2018 2:14 pm

My doctor told me i need to exercise to keep fit... he said that anything that makes me breathless for 20 mins each day will suffice.

so i decided to take up smoking again! :? :lol:
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Dirty Old Yank » Thu Mar 14, 2019 4:34 pm

snodge wrote:My doctor told me i need to exercise to keep fit... he said that anything that makes me breathless for 20 mins each day will suffice. so i decided to take up smoking again! :? :lol:

:lol:
Having reached a certain age, the time came for the dreaded prostate exam.
My physician (a Briton) put on a rubber glove (with a deliberate snap)...
...spun on his heel, grinned widely, gave me a V and he said...
"If you want I can use two fingers and give you a second opinion."
I tried to explain that under the circumstances his joke was
inappropriate and that laughter would make my
bum clench...but(t) to no avail :roll:.
"I'm a rag n' bone man, I'm not a poxy grave robber!"
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby snodge » Thu Mar 14, 2019 5:00 pm

Dirty Old Yank wrote:
snodge wrote:My doctor told me i need to exercise to keep fit... he said that anything that makes me breathless for 20 mins each day will suffice. so i decided to take up smoking again! :? :lol:

:lol:
Having reached a certain age, the time came for the dreaded prostate exam.
My physician (a Briton) put on a rubber glove (with a deliberate snap)...
...spun on his heel, grinned widely, gave me a V and he said...
"If you want I can use two fingers and give you a second opinion."
I tried to explain that under the circumstances his joke was
inappropriate and that laughter would make my
bum clench...but(t) to no avail :roll:.


I would have been a tad concerned if the doctor doing the prostate examination remarked...

" Okay Mr DOY.. I can feel the prostate now..does this hurt in any way?

you turn around to answer and see both of his hands in his pockets!

an oldie but goodie :) .. ...I'll get me coat
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Dirty Old Yank » Thu Mar 14, 2019 6:34 pm

snodge wrote:...I'll get me coat

Better still...here's an idea Snodge,
Go get your cheque book because that
was seriously funny. Honestly, spat me tea
and ruined yet another keyboard :o.
"I'm a rag n' bone man, I'm not a poxy grave robber!"
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby snodge » Thu Mar 14, 2019 7:38 pm

Glad you had a chuckle..these examinations are a pain in the butt sometimes :)

My doctor said he doesn't get to do these prostate exams very often,he just likes to keep his hand in now and again :)

on a serial note.. Have you had your PSA prostate blood test done?

My doctor said my prostate is a little enlarged but my blood tests were in range etc.

starting to get night time symptoms ..but thats to be expected now I'm57 i guess.
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Dirty Old Yank » Fri Mar 15, 2019 11:37 am

snodge wrote:...I'm57 i guess.

57 wot, varieties?
Which reminds me, must get
to the shop for ketchup :o.
"I'm a rag n' bone man, I'm not a poxy grave robber!"
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby snodge » Sat Mar 16, 2019 12:32 pm

Dirty Old Yank wrote:
snodge wrote:...I'm57 i guess.

57 wot, varieties?
Which reminds me, must get
to the shop for ketchup :o.


Remember that old song we used to sing at school Doy? :)

"Heinz Beanz are good for the heart,the more you eat the more you fart,
The more you fart the better you feel,Heinz Beanz for every meal"
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Dirty Old Yank » Sat Mar 16, 2019 3:19 pm

snodge wrote:Remember that old song we used to sing at school Doy? :)
"Heinz Beanz are good for the heart,the more you eat the more you fart,
The more you fart the better you feel,Heinz Beanz for every meal"

Just a moment....now I remember you :shock:.
We're lowering the tone to basso profundo, but
when the weather is windy, I'm always reminded of
that classic Simpsons joke. Overcome with sentimentality,
...a tearful Homer says to Bart,
"You don't have to follow in my footsteps boy."
And without missing a beat Bart replies...
"That's OK, I don't even like using the bathroom after you."
"I'm a rag n' bone man, I'm not a poxy grave robber!"
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