Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

[snodge]

Although you suggested it, you haven’t said whether or not you suffer chronic
migraines Snodge

No i dont think i suffer chronic migraines, I suffer with severe tinnitus, and when this is bad it can trigger a headache
the severity of the headache varies and can be really bad (as i described previously), But i dont have the classic migraine
pre-cursors with auras and smells etc,
I think your right about your coffee cure as i noticed some painkiller ingredients contained caffeine, I drink instant coffee
but not to excess etc but i will try your remedy next time. Caffeine tablets are available to buy here in the UK and contain 50mg per tablet so might be useful to folk who dont drink coffee.

[Dirty Old Yank]

When we were young I'd come home from loud punk shows,
...ears ringing for days. Not a good idea, but hadn't heard
of tinnitus. There've been recent medical studies (2014)
that suggest drinking coffee helps prevent tinnitus but
the question remains, were those widely publicized
studies subsidized or influenced in any way by an
unfathomably wealthy, global coffee industry
and conscienceless lobbyists? ...A distinct
possibility, with consumer protections
now virtually extinct. Back on topic,
another hilarious Noel Coward story (as told by Barry Cryer.)
A theatre critic slagged one of Coward's later plays and he
wrote the critic back, "I'm sitting in the smallest room
in the house with your review in front of me,
...in a moment it will be behind me" .
Playwright/humourist George S. Kaufman encountered
an inept bridge partner in the gents and Kaufman
said, "...That's the first time this evening
I've known what was in your hand" .

...been playing geetar since i was 12

Then chances are you'll enjoy this brief clip of genius guitarist,
Joe Pass https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZS9_a8kT4x4 .

[Dirty Old Yank]

"What's the worst thing about Ant n Decs? The view." --Rodney Dangerfield.

[Uncle Nobby]

A big German lorry driver was sat in a York bar mouthing off to anyone and everyone about how lazy the British workers were..
He said: "I regularly drive my rig from Hamburg to York, via Holland and Belgium drop my load off and be back in Hamburg in under 2 days."
A drunken Yorkshireman can't help but hear and mutters: "(Naff) off lad, I used to pick my load up in Dishforth just up the road from here, drop it off in Hamburg and make it back to Dishforth the same day just in time for a bacon, sausage and double egg breakfast!"
The German man gives a sarcastic laugh and replies: "Oh yeah old man, and what kind of fancy rig were you driving?"
The old fella never hesitated and replied: "An (effing) Lancaster Bomber, you (corn on the cob) head!"

[Dirty Old Yank]

Classic joke Nobby, thanks for that .
But please, try to avoid expletives in forum posts.
I swear like a longshoreman all the time and always have.
Seriously, I cuss more than a Teamster on a p*ss-up...doesn't bother me.
But I don't swear in public...unless somebody drops an anvil on my foot.
Which funnily enough has happened, it wasn't funny at the time tho .
In those instances all pretenses to social graces flee the scene, !!@#!!%$&!!@#!!
And when adults are offended by "rude" words, we can't help but think, this is
the 21st century, grow up for cattle truck's sake. But like it or not words can
offend and even if it seems irrational, swearing in the forum is ill advised.
Better to moderate our language and when necessary, use rhyming
cockney instead, sorted. That's why I (changed) the expletives
in your post. Sorry Nobby, but it had to be done...
...Bob's automatic "naughty word checker" didn't catch them:
http://www.albertandharold.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=25&start=15.
Kinda wish you hadn't mentioned full english, made us hungry now .
And just in time for the end of tomato season too...phew!
Can't have full breakfast without tomatoes, it's important.

You might enjoy this slim trade paperback Nobby, it's hilarious...
"International Dictionary of Obscenities: A Guide To Dirty Words and
Indecent Expressions in Spanish, Italian, French, German, Russian"
by Christina Kunitskaya-Peterson (Scythian Books publisher,
1981, republished 1991). Essential, fun reading .

[Uncle Nobby]

Hi DOY.

Yes sorry about that me old china!

TTFN!

[Dirty Old Yank]

...me old china!

You’ve gone and made us hungry again Nobby, only this
time for take-away . It’s a good thing I brought my
abacus along. Hmm….at 10p per, that means you
owe the swear box...30p! A nice round figure,
…just like my old woman’s .

[Dirty Old Yank]

“To protect myself from the global corona virus pandemic,
I’m wearing a Cubs t-shirt…so I don’t catch anything.”

(For those that don’t know, the Chicago Cubs
are an legendarily inept baseball team.)

[Uncle Nobby]

“To protect myself from the global corona virus pandemic,
I’m wearing a Cubs t-shirt…so I don’t catch anything.”

(For those that don’t know, the Chicago Cubs
are an legendarily inept baseball team.)

Was that the team-shirt that Richard Prior's character wears in Brewster's Millions?

[Dirty Old Yank]

Was that the team-shirt that Richard Prior's character wears in Brewster's Millions?

Hi Nobby, I've not seen "Brewster's Millions". But as an added slight from cinema...in Michael Cimino's
excellent 1986 film "The Year of the Dragon", while berating a room full of his Chinatown beat-cops,
detective Mickey Rourke says to all of them, "You look like the Cubs, you look like you already lost."

Another reference from cinema you'll probably remember, is Elwood Blues (Dan Aykroyd)
falsifying his drivers license address (dumbfounding everyone in sight) to read...
1060 W. Addison...which is Wrigley Field, home of the Chicago Cubs .

[Uncle Nobby]

Was that the team-shirt that Richard Prior's character wears in Brewster's Millions?

Hi Nobby, I've not seen "Brewster's Millions". But as an added slight from cinema...in Michael Cimino's
excellent 1986 film "The Year of the Dragon", while berating a room full of his Chinatown beat-cops,
detective Mickey Rourke says to all of them, "You look like the Cubs, you look like you already lost."

Another reference from cinema you'll probably remember, is Elwood Blues (Dan Aykroyd)
falsifying his drivers license address (dumbfounding everyone in sight) to read...
1060 W. Addison...which is Wrigley Field, home of the Chicago Cubs .

Hi Dirty Old Yank.

Yes I remember Elwood Blues' address as Wrigley Field, and I also found out the answer to my question.

It was a Cubs shirt worn by Richard Prior in Brewster's Millions, a very funny film you should check it out.

A white shirt with blue stripes the Cubs logo over the left breast a Blue Circle with a Red C with UBS written inside of it.

Cheers Uncle Nobby

[Dirty Old Yank]

Thanks for the recommendation, I'll look for it when our library opens again, which might not be till Fall.
Had I known they were going to shut their doors I'd have first borrowed more/better DVD's, but at least
I got a few good ones including the Orson Welles documentary "Magician" (2014) and a favorite noir,
Jules Dassin's excellent "Night and the City" (1950) which was filmed in London.
Very highly recommended, the 2 disc Criterion edition is best .

All the proper video shops closed years ago, not because of the internet (a common misconception),
but because of corporate greed. I did get lucky yesterday though, found some collected comedy,
...ten W. C. Fields movies and eight Abbot & Costello movies, some with commentaries, about
five quid for the lot .

With the global pandemic making so many people ill or killing them, that joke seems pretty
tasteless, but Phil did specify jokes bad or otherwise. Wearing surgical gloves & mask
in public, I look a bit like Vincent Price, but for surgical gown & scalpel go we .

[Uncle Nobby]

Q; Why was Six scared?

A: Because Seven Eight Nine!

[Dirty Old Yank]

Q: How lazy are men?

A: HOO boy, men are so irrecoverably lazy...
...that if men menstruated, every bachelor
flat would look like a murder scene.
Strewth! Ask any woman,
they'll tell ya .