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Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Archie » Sat May 24, 2014 4:51 pm

The Doc asks Fletch if he is or ever has been a practicing homosexual - Fletch replies what with these feet :)
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Dirty Old Yank » Sun May 25, 2014 1:16 pm

moving on, no need to read my post twice :roll:
spare Bob a bit of bandwidth.
Last edited by Dirty Old Yank on Mon May 26, 2014 4:43 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Ilovesteptoe » Sun May 25, 2014 5:58 pm

Dirty Old Yank wrote:
Archie wrote:The Doc asks Fletch if he is or ever has been a practising homosexual - Fletch replies what with these feet :)

Godber naively asks, “...What’s a ‘practicing homosexual’?”
And Fletcher says, “Them’s that haven’t got it right yet.” lol
That punchline virtually writes itself, still it’s such a relief to be able to watch pre-”pc”, old school comedy that manages to avoid bad taste, doesn’t treat every human being imaginable as a special interest group to be feared, yet doesn’t offend those with a sense of humour. Unless deep wounds inflamed by sleazy tabloids* encourage folks to not laugh at themselves. Comedy isn’t always a bandage but in the right hands it can only help!! :)

* “...And some are yet ungotten and unborn, that shall have cause to curse the (tabloids) scorn.” Henry V.
As to tabloids, that V was chosen advisedly.



Just think if the Doc asked Fletch if he is or ever has been a practising homosexual and that he replied his feet were great and how he was a professional. I would have bent over backwards laughing. :P
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Dirty Old Yank » Mon May 26, 2014 4:32 pm

Apologies for the pretentious post, I got a little carried away there. But far more pretentious are cheap tabloids offering “schools of journalism,” that’s thoroughly ridiculous. Got some more favorite jokes from Porridge but can’t repeat em here, a bit burlesque. One concerns the difficulty closing a certain chap’s coffin lid :shock: Never cared for boxing but it made for a good episode, a fixed match on both corners. First round, one punch (recalling Rising Damp, or vice versa?) opponents knock each other out, a hilarious scene probably inspired by Charlie Chaplin. Another favorite bit, when Fletcher climbs a flimsy ladder to the roof of the prison, also reminiscent of an episode of Rising Damp, though it appears Barker actually performed his own very dangerous stunt, the Damp roof scene was clearly staged. Porridge and Damp seemed to be nicking jokes off each other now and then, not that anybody minds, couldn’t be happier with the results :)
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Ilovesteptoe » Tue May 27, 2014 2:44 pm

Dirty Old Yank wrote:Apologies for the pretentious post, I got a little carried away there. But far more pretentious are cheap tabloids offering “schools of journalism,” that’s thoroughly ridiculous. Got some more favorite jokes from Porridge but can’t repeat em here, a bit burlesque. One concerns the difficulty closing a certain chap’s coffin lid :shock: Never cared for boxing but it made for a good episode, a fixed match on both corners. First round, one punch (recalling Rising Damp, or vice versa?) opponents knock each other out, a hilarious scene probably inspired by Charlie Chaplin. Another favorite bit, when Fletcher climbs a flimsy ladder to the roof of the prison, also reminiscent of an episode of Rising Damp, though it appears Barker actually performed his own very dangerous stunt, the Damp roof scene was clearly staged. Porridge and Damp seemed to be nicking jokes off each other now and then, not that anybody minds, couldn’t be happier with the results :)


I remember that episode well called "Ways and means S1 ep 5 1974" with the dusky scot Jim Maclaren played by the brilliant actor Tony Osoba as Fletch called him who as a protest climbed on top of the Slade prison roof as a protest. Indeed there's been many episodes similar as mentioned also not forgetting John Sullivan's Citizen Smith where Wolfie also climbs on top of a roof in the episode "Hostage" I think after he's persuaded up there by a police detective who's in actuality turns out to be an escapee mental hospital patient attempts to commit suicide. Sounds familiar eh with Only Fools and horses episode Friday the 14th in which another mental patient escapee who acts like a Policeman then holds Delboy hostage with a round of pool. :P

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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Dirty Old Yank » Thu May 29, 2014 2:36 pm

Ilovesteptoe wrote:I remember that (Porridge) episode well called "Ways and means...

Ways and Means, that’s the one, though climbing the roof was just a ruse. By comparison, in Porridge the vicar attempts to talk McLaren down and gets a brick for his trouble, in Rising Damp the vicar broke a climber’s fall resulting in some “very unchristian language.” Can ye blame him?
Didn’t realize there were so many roof scenes in those 70’s shows, but around that time, British and American climbers were achieving unprecedented and widely publicized mountaineering feats. Perhaps that was an influence.
Chances are you’ve seen Hammer’s “Rasputin: The Mad Monk,” it wasn’t until I saw Porridge years later that I recognized the timorous, bearded chap in the pub. There’s no mistaking that voice, it’s Brian Wilde!

Ken Jones passed on a few months back, RIP.

Godber: “What’s Christmas like Fletch, do we get turkey?”
Fletcher: “Well they call it ‘turkey,' but not having seen it carved, we don’t know do we. If it is then the one we had last year must’ve been a very funny shape. 28 legs and no breast. Like Lulu and the Young Generation.” :roll:
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Ilovesteptoe » Sat May 31, 2014 12:30 pm

Dirty Old Yank wrote:
Ilovesteptoe wrote:I remember that (Porridge) episode well called "Ways and means...

Ways and Means, that’s the one, though climbing the roof was just a ruse. By comparison, in Porridge the vicar attempts to talk McLaren down and gets a brick for his trouble, in Rising Damp the vicar broke a climber’s fall resulting in some “very unchristian language.” Can ye blame him?
Didn’t realize there were so many roof scenes in those 70’s shows, but around that time, British and American climbers were achieving unprecedented and widely publicized mountaineering feats. Perhaps that was an influence.
Chances are you’ve seen Hammer’s “Rasputin: The Mad Monk,” it wasn’t until I saw Porridge years later that I recognized the timorous, bearded chap in the pub. There’s no mistaking that voice, it’s Brian Wilde!

Ken Jones passed on a few months back, RIP.

Godber: “What’s Christmas like Fletch, do we get turkey?”
Fletcher: “Well they call it ‘turkey,' but not having seen it carved, we don’t know do we. If it is then the one we had last year must’ve been a very funny shape. 28 legs and no breast. Like Lulu and the Young Generation.” :roll:


In those days there were many similar story-lines featuring roofs saga ect, and let's not forget the staple of most sitcoms the seance. Who could forget Seance in Wet Rag and bone yard in Steptoe & Son with Patrica Routledge, or Rising Damp's grey lady scene and petrified Rigsby, the seance in Only Fools and Horses, The seance in 3.4 children or In sickness and in Health featuring the farting Irene Handle, lol. Death and comedy go hand in casket so to speak. :D

To end on a joke. How can you spot a fart in a jacuzzi? Answer: It's the brown bubble. :mrgreen:
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Archie » Thu Jul 03, 2014 5:49 pm

I recall a story about the late Scottish comedian and mentor of Billy Connolly Chick Murray -

Chick staggered out of a pub one day after a few too many whiskie's and promptly fell on his backside.
A woman rushed over to Chick and asked if he was okay. Chick replied "Yes I'm fine madam I'm trying to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket" :)
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Ilovesteptoe » Thu Jul 03, 2014 9:23 pm

Archie wrote:I recall a story about the late Scottish comedian and mentor of Billy Connolly Chick Murray -

Chick staggered out of a pub one day after a few too many whiskie's and promptly fell on his backside.
A woman rushed over to Chick and asked if he was okay. Chick replied "Yes I'm fine madam I'm trying to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket" :)


Wonder if that bar o chocolate was a Crunchie, and was it Friday? :P

Joke: Tony Blair. Nuff said! :twisted:
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby PhilGlass » Sat Jul 05, 2014 7:31 pm

What do you call an Animal with No body and no nose?

Nobody knows!
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Ilovesteptoe » Sat Jul 05, 2014 7:39 pm

PhilGlass wrote:What do you call an Animal with No body and no nose?

Nobody knows!


Cool joke there Archie and similar to another one I know. What's do you call a camouflage dinosaur with a sore bum. A Nobodysaurass! :mrgreen:
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Archie » Sat Jul 12, 2014 5:10 pm

One of Bernard Mannings few clean jokes -

A fella was selling seagulls on Blackpool prom £5 each, bloke goes up to him and says I'll have one. Hands over the fiver seller points to the sky says have that one up there :shock:

(Bit like Albert's pigeon)
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Ilovesteptoe » Sun Jul 13, 2014 6:47 pm

I've never been one for penny pinching, a seductive look maybe or the odd wink. :P
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Dirty Old Yank » Thu Aug 07, 2014 1:52 am

Two blokes in a pub.
One fella says to the other, “That’s a smart jacket mate, is it new?”
And the other fella says, “Yeah, my wife gave it to me...
I got home late last night and found it hanging over a chair and she said, ‘If it fits you can have it.’” :roll:

Albert and Harold are at the Skinners and Dolly Clackett walks in.
Harold says, "I gotta admit, that Dolly sure has nice pins."
And Albert says, "Oh yeah, legs like hers are few and far between." :roll:
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby tianmoon » Sun Aug 10, 2014 3:40 pm

I apologise in advance for this

a man walked in to a bar. ouch !
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