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Favourite One-liners

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Favourite One-liners

Postby Arthur Rudge » Wed Dec 19, 2007 7:45 pm

There are many but what are your favourite one-liners from Steptoe And Son.

There is of course the re-used catchphrase:'You dirty old man.' :lol:

Add your favourites here.....
You Dirty Old Man
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Postby Jojo » Thu Dec 20, 2007 8:53 am

Up yer pipe



Dust? That's not dust it's topsoil.
up yer pipe!
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Postby Archie » Thu Dec 20, 2007 4:37 pm

From 'A Star Is Born' Albert brings a tray of Co Co and hands Melanie Wagstaff a mug.
Harold swaps the mug for a tea cup and says to Albert through clenched teeth Why dont you Sod Off ! :lol:
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Postby Arthur Rudge » Thu Dec 20, 2007 10:16 pm

I'll post more of my favourites as I work my way through the DVD's. :D
You Dirty Old Man
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Postby bob » Fri Dec 21, 2007 9:58 am

In case you hadn't guessed my fav is "The knobs are on my side"

It wasn't just the line, it was the build up to the thing. I can watch it over and over again and I still look forward to the line.
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Postby Graham_S nli » Mon Dec 24, 2007 10:30 pm

My favourite episode in case you don't know is "oh what a beautiful mourning"....

Two spring to mind straight away...

Potty Aida's rant... "Call that bl**ding swearing, wait until we get to the cemetary"

and Harold calling Albert "Steptoe the klepto!" at the end of the episode on retrieving his owed £25 off his deceased brother George...
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best one liner, from Divided we stand....

Postby Bilbs » Tue Jan 08, 2008 3:31 pm

You are a dyed in the wool, fascist,reactionary,squalid little know your place,dont rise above yourself,dont get out of your hole,complacent little turd!!!
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Postby Rian » Wed Jan 09, 2008 11:17 am

on friday night Steptoe entered the 50 funniest comedy catch phrases at 24 with |"You dirty old man"
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Postby rumneylu » Wed Jan 16, 2008 7:17 pm

One of my fav one liners was in series seven in the episode featuring leonard rossiter (the desperate hours) were he says "whos this the lodger"
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favorite one liners

Postby harold » Sun Feb 03, 2008 10:38 pm

hercules unchained from walla walla catsmeat
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Postby Albie » Thu Mar 20, 2008 9:02 pm

"I'll creep in one night and "wallop" you'll get half a yard of gash pipe right across your throat.. you wont know what hit ya.. RIGHT ACROSS YA THROAT!!.. and dont forget my coco"

haha quality :D
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Postby PhilGlass » Sat Mar 22, 2008 12:20 am

Mine are when Harold is swearing at his Dad using the crossword clues ('Men of Letters'.)

Also from 'Steptoe and Son - And Son!' when Harold is introduced to the pregnant Daphne, he says 'I don't believe I've had the pleasure' and Albert chips in 'well sombody has!!'. Classic!

Others include: 'You're thicker than a donkey's dongler' which in the radio version is 'Your as thick as Mick Jagger's bottom lip'. I laugh so hard every time I hear the donkey line!
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Postby thatsthatthen » Mon Apr 14, 2008 10:43 am

I've only seen as far as episode four of series five, but here are some of my favourites to date:

Well, obviously from me 'andle, "That's that then" - the wonderful opening line in The Bird, still my favourite episode.

"Who did she think she was...?"

"Saucy old moo"
"Getting a Ming mixed up with a Tang ... it just exposes you"
"'allo 'allo...there was more than this in that..."

"You may purport to have a butchers at it"

"Sheer ecstasy - the magic of hot socks"
"Sleeping suits is for under the blankets"
"I'm colder than a penguin's chuff"
"Why '8 and a half'? Why not '7 and three quarters'? Maybe it's his hat size"

"Do you know what's in the larder? Don't tell me - skinny mice"
"Honour has been satisfied"

"Dad, wake up - don't go to sleep before me"
Last edited by thatsthatthen on Mon Apr 14, 2008 4:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby thrupnybit » Mon Apr 14, 2008 4:09 pm

From Men of Letters, i like 'if you don't take this seriously, i'm gonna switch this machine off and fetch you a knuckle sandwich straight up the hooter'.

'Why would I want to touch your thrupnybits for, I got thrupnybits o... of me own...'
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Postby thatsthatthen » Wed Apr 30, 2008 9:50 pm

Without Prejudice (S6E5) - Harold tries to get rid of Albert while he talks money with the estate agent...
"Let me conduct the business;
leave us alone;
walk round the garden" instructs Harold,
to which Albert responds: "I ain't a bleedin' teddy bear"

The writing was fantastic, but the delivery made the line.

Every time.
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