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Best funny quotes

Postby thrupnybit » Sun Apr 13, 2008 2:25 am

Not sure if this has been covered so far but would be humourous to see what particular quotes people like from Steptoe and son.

A couple of my favourites are:

'You are a silly turd'

The whole 'milk in first' (MIF) section

'Well you don't put the onions back in the jar then. Look, it says pickled onions in vinegar. IN VINEGAR. Not soap and water'.
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Postby Rian » Mon Apr 14, 2008 7:36 am

Good Game thrupnybit :D

Aww i cant think of any qoutes at the moment.

Bob do you think this game and "The Last One You Watched" be moved to Assorted Junk now :D
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Postby thrupnybit » Wed Apr 16, 2008 3:39 pm

Just realised though that this topic might be a bit too close to 'favourite one-liners' in the Knobs are on my side section.
Russ

'Why would I want to touch your thrupnybits for, I got thrupnybits o... of me own...'
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Postby THE VICAR » Mon Nov 10, 2008 11:11 pm

"we coudnt afford proper milk. nick
not the vicar again hes had two bob of me this year already.
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Postby Archie » Fri Nov 14, 2008 3:14 pm

From 'Loath Story' -

Psychiatrist - Are you a homosexual ?

Harold - Are you looking for a clout round the ere ole ! :lol:
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Postby steve sheffield » Fri Nov 14, 2008 9:57 pm

Also from Loathe story : Have you ever felt like killing your dad before? Harold"every day" :lol:
Also, father can you show Mrs Kennington Stroud a chair--Albert-- yes there, thats's a chair :lol:
Last edited by steve sheffield on Wed Dec 03, 2008 8:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby steve sheffield » Wed Dec 03, 2008 8:15 pm

Albert " christmas is supposed to be about the birth of our lord, jesus christ" Harold "well, if you're going to bring religion into christmas"
From Loathe story : Harold" yes, I was breast fed. We could'nt afford proper milk"
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Postby steve sheffield » Fri Jan 02, 2009 5:27 pm

From "The Piano" Albert says"beer if it's ere, brandy if it's andy'"
3 Handkerchiefs and a pair of Y fronts. Enoch's dreaming of a white christmas.
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Postby PhilGlass » Fri Jan 02, 2009 10:07 pm

One of my favourite lines from the whole Steptoe saga doesn't even get a lauhg from the studio audience - in 'Divided We tabnd' when they are arguing aboutt he decor, right at the beginning Albert says 'That wallpaper's as good as the day you mother put it up' and I can just imagine Albert down the pub while Emily Steptoe hung the wallpaper but it seems to go over the audiences head. Makes me laugh tho
"What do I want to go and see a film about Lesbians for?"
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Postby Dirty Old Yank » Tue Mar 22, 2011 11:07 am

In "...Ride Again" Harold tries desperately to get Hercules II to fetch a bit of wood.
"Seize it! No, over there ye dog pillock!"
That line kills me, who calls a dog pillock.

Later one of the tanked mourners pours whiskey over the coffin and says, "That's the first time the drinks have been on Albert."
That joke must be old enough to have whiskers but it's still funny.

Harold: "I'm afraid our paths have now grown too diverse for any possibility of a reconciliation. And not to put to fine a point upon it Dad, your very presence tends to impinge upon my aesthetic moments, my little bits of relaxation."
Albert: "In other words, I get on your tits."

Albert: "Can I wear me medals?"
Harold: "Medals? I thought you sent them back when the Beatles got the MBE."
"I'm a rag n' bone man, I'm not a poxy grave robber!"
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Re: Best funny quotes

Postby Ilovesteptoe » Thu Mar 28, 2013 6:52 pm

Cuckoo in the nest:

Arthur: My mouth's as dry as a Kangaroo's jock strap (Harold's disgusted reaction was a picture) :P
Cheer if you love Steptoe & Son!

You dirty old man, cow son! Bognor here we come!
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Re: Best funny quotes

Postby Archie » Thu Mar 28, 2013 7:30 pm

From Live Now PAYE Later -
Harold -its up to 2 years inside
Albert- Prison ?
Harold- I should hardly think it will be a nudist colony
Eeh I wanna see the Nudes of 1964
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Re: Best funny quotes

Postby Dirty Old Yank » Thu May 05, 2016 3:44 pm

Ilovesteptoe wrote:...My mouth's as dry as a Kangaroo's jock strap...

Thanks for the visual! eww :?.
"I'm a rag n' bone man, I'm not a poxy grave robber!"
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Re: Best funny quotes

Postby Ilovesteptoe » Thu May 05, 2016 4:36 pm

Dirty Old Yank wrote:
Ilovesteptoe wrote:...My mouth's as dry as a Kangaroo's jock strap...

Thanks for the visual! eww :?.


Yeah. Time for a mouth mint with that one. :shock:
Cheer if you love Steptoe & Son!

You dirty old man, cow son! Bognor here we come!
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Re: Best funny quotes

Postby Dirty Old Yank » Fri May 06, 2016 3:30 pm

Ilovesteptoe wrote:Yeah. Time for a mouth mint with that one. :shock:

Funny thing is, marsupial pouches aren’t dry at all......they’re icky-gooey :?.

Another favorite bit, from ‘Steptoe à La Cart’....
Albert: “She looks like me don’t she? ...She’s got my nose. And me eyes.”
Harold: “Yes. And when she goes home, you’re going to get my bleeding fist.”
The laughter lifted the roof off BBC Centre that day, bless :o.
"I'm a rag n' bone man, I'm not a poxy grave robber!"
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