UK Monster Club Quad Poster (1980)

[Ilovesteptoe]

but now I look more like Uncle Fester

It's hair today, gone tomorrow.

I'd like to say my tale was long, but sadly 98% true. The 2% was tax deductible. Yes, I embellished some things, who doesn't, but others facts were not so. God, my childhood was a mixture of happiness and somebody shoot me, and most wanted too, and they were my teachers. I was a good kid really, mischievous, but good. The judge said so on sentencing me.

You’re right about the feet though, they are big, webbed, with talons

Bet your wife loves you in bed, and no, I don't mean all the sweet loving, but you ripping the bedsheets like the Hulk with your claws. No doubt she's constantly checking to see if she's not mortally wounded of a morn, and with you having webbed feet must be an excellent swimmer, although a tad noisy when the breeze is up. Farting must be a nightmare too, poor fellow. I feel your pain, and I Imagine, smell it too. Bet you're rooted to the spot being a natural windbreak.

[Dirty Old Yank]

I'd like to say my tale was long, but...

No need for modesty ILS, I’m sure your tail still is long! With your tail and my weird science fiction feet, surprised we haven’t met on the carny ‘freak show’ circuit yet. Yeah the work can be demeaning and the pay isn’t anything to boast about, but if it encourages innocent laughter for the right reasons...that’s most important .

Bet your wife loves you in bed...and with you having webbed feet must be an excellent swimmer...

In 1972, musician Randy Newman sang his brilliant seduction song, “You Can Leave Your Hat On.”
With these feet it was more like Can I Leave My Shoes On? which inevitably led to embarrassing hastily contrived unconvincing excuses, trousers around the ankles, awkwardly stumbling head first towards a table, wake up alone the next morning bruised and concussed*...no wonder I’m unmarried . But you’re right, webbed/taloned feet do make for easy swimming. And mountaineering, gives ye a purchase you wouldn’t believe, ice climbing is a lark.
And shark attacks? I laugh at shark attacks, with these toenails they wont come close .
*Dazed and Contused, wasn't that a Led Zeppelin song? .

[Ilovesteptoe]

No need for modesty ILS, I’m sure your tail still is long

I wish it was, but no matter how much I stretched it as a kid, it's still small? I'm cursed. I'm like a Welsh version of King Midas, but in reverse. Where he turns things into gold, what I touch shrivels up like a prune.

“You Can Leave Your Hat On.”

Leave my hat on? I'd rather leave the light on. Boy, am I afraid of the dark, to the point that any romantic doings the said lady must come to bed with a torch, and no, not in the way you're thinking. I need no illuminating in that department, thank you. I might be a sight, but what I've got sticks up all right. I have a extendable theodolite. Holds the torch see. I like to read after a night of passion too. I love fruit cordial before a good hard read, although cannot get my straw into the little hole, which is very frustrating, and that's where the torch comes in handy. I'm very regimented in bed too. I wear camouflage boxers and run a flag up my pole. I live a lonely life, can't understand why?

[Dirty Old Yank]

I might be a sight, but what I've got sticks up all right. I have a extendable theodolite.

Are you sure what you've got isn't a sundial . And I always thought theodolites were those conical crystalline things found hanging from the roofs of caves. Turns out they’re called stalactites, my mistake . But a theodolite? I’m too long in the tooth for such newfangled contraptions. As an old sea dog I’ll stick with my sextant which might be more fit for purpose, if only in name, than a “theodolite”. As it happens I’ve got a sextant here you can have second hand, but for a few barnacles it’s in good working condition and hasn’t been below the equator.
...Perhaps I should rephrase that. Arrrrrr me hearties.

[Ilovesteptoe]

I might be a sight, but what I've got sticks up all right. I have a extendable theodolite.

Are you sure what you've got isn't a sundial . And

I always thought theodolites were those conical crystalline things found hanging from the roofs of caves.

Turns out they’re called stalactites, my mistake . But a theodolite? I’m too long in the tooth for such newfangled contraptions. As an old sea dog I’ll stick with my sextant which might be more fit for purpose, if only in name, than a “theodolite”. As it happens I’ve got a sextant here you can have second hand, but for a few barnacles it’s in good working condition and hasn’t been below the equator.
...Perhaps I should rephrase that. Arrrrrr me hearties.

Are you sure what you've got isn't a sundial

Well if I did, it's just had two bouncing babies with a full head of hair.

I always thought theodolites were those conical crystalline things found hanging from the roofs of caves.

Until I knew what they were, I always assumed they were prehistoric sea-creatures related to the Hermit Crab , although seeing Hermit Crabs don't go out that much, unlikely.

[Dirty Old Yank]

...I always assumed they were prehistoric sea-creatures related to the Hermit Crab...

Now just a moment.....I might be old but there’s no need for paleontology!! tsk .
I’ve got a record collection it’s true, but that doesn’t make me part of the fossil record .

And believe it or not, the very instant we read your post, we were watching a classic 1964 “Addams Family” Halloween episode featuring comedian Don Rickles, where instead of apples they bob for live crabs .

[Ilovesteptoe]

I might be old but there’s no need for paleontology!! tsk .

There's an old saying. A fine wine matures with age. Have you ever seen a bottle of Vive Clico 57 with a zimmer-frame? I think not. It's alert, le pert and able to squirt. I say to all who are Ageist. Look past the faded label, don't be hasty , pop its cork, as what shoots out is tasty!

Re Adams Family: Coincidentally you mentioning me mentioning the Adams Family last, and how you were watching that great Halloween episode with the family. I recently bought the whole series on DVD. Small world. Some say flat, and yes I am referring to Trump supporters there.

[Dirty Old Yank]

...Small world. Some say flat, and yes I am referring to Trump supporters there.

What are you suggesting ILS, that the world isn't flat?? Ye Gods man, don’t say that!! .
Just imagine the panic around yacht clubs: The crew has already abandoned ship and wisely swam back to shore, leaving wealthy berks without the first clue how to pilot or navigate an automobile, let alone a huge vessel without GPS that doesn’t speak directions out loud...no idea how to recognize weather patterns...all playing bumper-cars in harbours. It’d be exactly like silent slapstick comedy stars The Keystone Cops, a huge pile-up of stupidity....and not infrequently is . You’ve reminded me of that ‘sailing off the edge of the world’ scene in what once was one of my favorite movies, “Erik the Viking” (1989) . When director Terry Jones allowed his son to arbitrarily delete (under the pretense of “editing”, which Terry actually boasted of as though it were a C.V.) 40 minutes from the original classic film for 2007 DVD release, leaving the movie barely feature length, that was utterly indefensible .

[Ilovesteptoe]

...Small world. Some say flat, and yes I am referring to Trump supporters there.

What are you suggesting ILS, that the world isn't flat?? Ye Gods man, don’t say that!! .
Just imagine the panic around yacht clubs: The crew has already abandoned ship and wisely swam back to shore, leaving wealthy berks without the first clue how to pilot or navigate an automobile, let alone a huge vessel without GPS that doesn’t speak directions out loud...no idea how to recognize weather patterns...all playing bumper-cars in harbours. It’d be exactly like silent slapstick comedy stars The Keystone Cops, a huge pile-up of stupidity....and not infrequently is . You’ve reminded me of that ‘sailing off the edge of the world’ scene in what once was one of my favorite movies, “Erik the Viking” (1989) . When director Terry Jones allowed his son to arbitrarily delete (under the pretense of “editing”, which Terry actually boasted of as though it were a C.V.) 40 minutes from the original classic film for 2007 DVD release, leaving the movie barely feature length, that was utterly indefensible .

DOY, I'm not referring to you personally friend. I know you're an intelligent man without prejudice, so unlikely a Trump supporter.

Re flat earth. Yeah I've pondered that very question many a late night over a glass of mulled wine while sitting in my tall chair next to my roaring fire, sock off ( I can only afford one), toe deep in my shag-pile in a round of intellectual foreplay. Is the earth flat? , I asked myself. Saying that. Whoever listened to me at my local AA meeting, and if so, did God have a glandular problem for the earth was flat, as it's a distinct possibility that the almighty (some say alweighty) sat on it when making it, and If I were indeed Donald Trump, I'd most likely believe it was true, but seeing I'm an intelligent pagan-leaning atheist, unlikely.

Re Erik the Viking: You know what. That's one film I've hardly watched out of the pantheon of python films, but not that one in full I must admit to my shame. I have seen in bit parts, as you do, but never got through the whole movie for some strange reason, which still puzzles me even as I write? It's ironic though. I know Gillian & Co's works off my heart i.e Something Completely Different (1971), Holy Grail (1975) Life of Brian (1979), Jabbawocky, Time Bandits (1980), The Meaning of Life (1983) , The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (1988) ect.. too, so feel a tad shameful not being more familiar with this one made. Note to one self: Must source a copy a.s.a.p. , then watch it.

[Dirty Old Yank]

DOY, I'm not referring to you personally friend. I know you're...without prejudice, so unlikely a Trump supporter.
Re Erik the Viking: You know what. That's one film I've hardly watched out of the pantheon of python films, but not that one in full I must admit...

I knew you weren’t referring to me ILS, never occurred to me mate .
My favorite presidential candidate has always been brilliant comedian Pat Paulsen, he was hilarious, and remarkably successful! You can find some of his presidential campaigns at youchoobe. Check him out, very funny guy .
And thanks for the kind words but I’m not entirely certain I’m “without prejudice”. Example, my teeth grind long before I turn on the telly or radio, or approach a supermarket because I know they’ll be playing mindless, brain-numbing, subliminal-laden, dumber-than-a-sack-of-rocks news/pop music. But that’s more experience based negative reinforcement rather than actual prejudice, so maybe you’re right, Cheers .
If you do look for “Erik the Viking” make sure it's the original 1989 full length version (1 hr 47 min), it’s brilliant!! Much funnier than Cleese’s hit “A Fish Called Wanda”, I walked out of the cinema Wanda was so boring, and still is. So many iconic, laugh-out-loud bits in Erik the Viking, they never stop being hilarious. That film's primary flaw was Tim Robbins, a fine actor but surrounded by so much stellar British talent, he was obviously out of his depth.
Beware the 2007 (79 min) DVD release of Erik, the so called “director’s son’s cut”, arguably the most amateurish excuse for editing/re-mastering in cinema history, it’s truly disastrous. The music ques no longer match and are completely haphazard, actors are seen speaking but their dialog has vanished, and it gets worse from there. I mean if you’re gonna re-master the film and completely change the sound, at least put some proper foley over those cheesy plastic stage swords, but they didn’t! The sword fights still go ‘click - clack- click’. That DVD angered everyone that knew and enjoyed the original full length version, and alienated many of Terry’s fans, it really was indefensible to butcher a beloved film like that.

[Ilovesteptoe]

DOY, it makes me happy to hear that no offence was caused as it would have made me sad to hear that I offended someone who I regard as a friend.

Firstly. Thanks for Pat Paulsen info. Will check his vids on GlueTube a.s.a.p. Talking all things presidential for a moment. Have you seen Alex Baldwin's Donald Trump impersonation? Surely you have being comedy connoisseur. One word. Wow!! He is uncannily accurate, not only with the voice but his mannerisms lol. Been watching some SNL videos on YouTube and unfortunately was drinking a cup of tea with a digestive biscuit (half dunked) when it and the tea ended up on the monitor lol. Ahhhhh.... it was a Cowbell moment, if you know what I mean. Don't Fear The Reaper? Sod him! I'm more concerned with Trump!

Re Erik The Viking: Thanks for the advice. Been looking around on Amazon & eBay for some titles recently, but with that advice given will avoid the cut versions like the plague. Can't stand all those snip-merchants who cut classic movies to ribbons, even worse when the director's son make s hash of it too.

Re Fish Called Wanda: Yeah know what you mean with that film. Seen it, who hasn't. Thought there were some okay moments, yes, it had an A-list of Hollywood glitterati galore besides some Python greats, agreed, but it lacked one vital thing. Humour. Sad really as it could have had so much potential with the calibre on show.

[Dirty Old Yank]

DOY, it makes me happy to hear that no offence was caused...friend.

Ditto mate .

Don't Fear The Reaper?

Hang on, now I am offended (just kidding ).
Don’t you like Blue Oyster Cult? I love that band, warts ‘n all. Seen 'em at least 20 times, every show was hilarious, huge fun and they were excellent musicians too! Gotta admit though, when BOC songs like “Don’t Fear The Reaper” become Top 10 Hits, we’re through the looking glass, pop culture had obviously gone off the rails .
Re: "Erik the Viking", a film I love, I didn’t mean to suggest Bill was solely responsible for the disaster I purchased. Terry Jones claims to have supervised and approved the cut of a full 40 minutes from the original version.
An impulse purchase, like most consumers I saw it on the shelf and thought...it’s Erik the Viking! On DVD? Wow, buy it now!! Which I did. Wasn’t till I got it home that I realized that we’d all been taken advantage of. At least you know to look for the full length film, wish I did before I dropped a fist-full of cash on teeth-grinding garbage.
You mentioned SNL, are they still milking that cash cow? Somebody should contact the RSPCA because that show stopped being funny when the original cast left in 1979. Yeah there’s been some very talented people and some good sketches since then, but Saturday Night Live was over and done decades ago. The amount of money spent on Class A narcotics by people at that show, people that died (for pity’s sake, Phil Hartman was murdered!) probably exceeded the GNP of most third world countries. Does anybody actually believe SNL’s wealthy producer Lorne Michaels didn’t know what was going on? In the real world that sort of irresponsibility is rewarded with prison, unless you’re Lorne Michaels. Speaking of comedy genius Phil Hartman, I recent found at a charity shop the first 23 episodes of “Pee Wee’s Playhouse” on DVD. I know you enjoy classic kids television ILS, so if you haven’t seen Pee Wee’s Playhouse, do, it’s great fun. Phil Hartman of course played the character of Captain Carl in the Pee Wee Herman universe, rest his soul. That is if Phil chooses to rest; if ghosts want to hang around that’s cool, people have hobbies so why shouldn’t they in the ‘afterlife’? My unconventional version of Paganism, hey ho .

[Ilovesteptoe]

Don’t you like Blue Oyster Cult? I love that band, warts ‘n all.

Yeah, I love the Blue Oyster Cult too, especially the song mentioned "Don't Fear The Reaper." Pure quality. It's very haunting, as is the lyrics too, although I agree SNL, Will Ferrell & Jimmy Kimmel & Co have all milked every drop since the skit was performed on the show, and no doubt made them all $$ in the process. Can you blame them? Hmm.. not really, although too much of a good thing can have it's negative. My favourite use of the song was used to great effect in Michael J Fox's underrated dark comedy classic Frighteners (1997) in which they use the song as its soundtrack. Marriage made in heaven.

Re Pee Wee Herman: To be honest. I have seen most of his films made, yes, but never his TV shows for some reason? Pee Wee reminds me of Rowan Atkinson's Mr Bean physically, but visually, a cross between Marc Almond of Soft Cell and Lee Harvey Oswald.