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Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby snodge » Tue Apr 16, 2019 6:51 pm

Although you suggested it, you haven’t said whether or not you suffer chronic
migraines Snodge


No i dont think i suffer chronic migraines, I suffer with severe tinnitus, and when this is bad it can trigger a headache
the severity of the headache varies and can be really bad (as i described previously), But i dont have the classic migraine
pre-cursors with auras and smells etc,
I think your right about your coffee cure as i noticed some painkiller ingredients contained caffeine, I drink instant coffee
but not to excess etc but i will try your remedy next time. Caffeine tablets are available to buy here in the UK and contain 50mg per tablet so might be useful to folk who dont drink coffee.
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Dirty Old Yank » Mon Apr 22, 2019 1:48 pm

When we were young I'd come home from loud punk shows,
...ears ringing for days. Not a good idea, but hadn't heard
of tinnitus. There've been recent medical studies (2014)
that suggest drinking coffee helps prevent tinnitus but
the question remains, were those widely publicized
studies subsidized or influenced in any way by an
unfathomably wealthy, global coffee industry
and conscienceless lobbyists? ...A distinct
possibility, with consumer protections
now virtually extinct. Back on topic,
another hilarious Noel Coward story (as told by Barry Cryer.)
A theatre critic slagged one of Coward's later plays and he
wrote the critic back, "I'm sitting in the smallest room
in the house with your review in front of me,
...in a moment it will be behind me" :lol:.
Playwright/humourist George S. Kaufman encountered
an inept bridge partner in the gents and Kaufman
said, "...That's the first time this evening
I've known what was in your hand" :shock:.
snodge wrote:...been playing geetar since i was 12

Then chances are you'll enjoy this brief clip of genius guitarist,
Joe Pass https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZS9_a8kT4x4 :o.
"I'm a rag n' bone man, I'm not a poxy grave robber!" - Harold
"Hey careful man, there's a beverage here!" - The Dude
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Dirty Old Yank » Mon Sep 23, 2019 1:31 pm

"What's the worst thing about Ant n Decs? The view." --Rodney Dangerfield.
"I'm a rag n' bone man, I'm not a poxy grave robber!" - Harold
"Hey careful man, there's a beverage here!" - The Dude
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Uncle Nobby » Tue Oct 01, 2019 7:38 am

A big German lorry driver was sat in a York bar mouthing off to anyone and everyone about how lazy the British workers were..
He said: "I regularly drive my rig from Hamburg to York, via Holland and Belgium drop my load off and be back in Hamburg in under 2 days."
A drunken Yorkshireman can't help but hear and mutters: "(Naff) off lad, I used to pick my load up in Dishforth just up the road from here, drop it off in Hamburg and make it back to Dishforth the same day just in time for a bacon, sausage and double egg breakfast!"
The German man gives a sarcastic laugh and replies: "Oh yeah old man, and what kind of fancy rig were you driving?"
The old fella never hesitated and replied: "An (effing) Lancaster Bomber, you (corn on the cob) head!"
"And you look after those gloves!"
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Dirty Old Yank » Tue Oct 01, 2019 10:54 am

Classic joke Nobby, thanks for that :o.
But please, try to avoid expletives in forum posts.
I swear like a longshoreman all the time and always have.
Seriously, I cuss more than a Teamster on a p*ss-up...doesn't bother me.
But I don't swear in public...unless somebody drops an anvil on my foot.
Which funnily enough has happened, it wasn't funny at the time tho :x.
In those instances all pretenses to social graces flee the scene, !!@#!!%$&!!@#!!
And when adults are offended by "rude" words, we can't help but think, this is
the 21st century, grow up for cattle truck's sake. But like it or not words can
offend and even if it seems irrational, swearing in the forum is ill advised.
Better to moderate our language and when necessary, use rhyming
cockney instead, sorted. That's why I (changed) the expletives
in your post. Sorry Nobby, but it had to be done...
...Bob's automatic "naughty word checker" didn't catch them:
http://www.albertandharold.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=25&start=15.
Kinda wish you hadn't mentioned full english, made us hungry now :).
And just in time for the end of tomato season too...phew!
Can't have full breakfast without tomatoes, it's important.

You might enjoy this slim trade paperback Nobby, it's hilarious...
"International Dictionary of Obscenities: A Guide To Dirty Words and
Indecent Expressions in Spanish, Italian, French, German, Russian"
by Christina Kunitskaya-Peterson (Scythian Books publisher,
1981, republished 1991). Essential, fun reading 8).
"I'm a rag n' bone man, I'm not a poxy grave robber!" - Harold
"Hey careful man, there's a beverage here!" - The Dude
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Uncle Nobby » Sat Oct 05, 2019 6:36 pm

Hi DOY.

Yes sorry about that me old china!

TTFN!
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Dirty Old Yank » Sun Oct 06, 2019 6:36 pm

Uncle Nobby wrote:...me old china!

You’ve gone and made us hungry again Nobby, only this
time for take-away 8). It’s a good thing I brought my
abacus along. Hmm….at 10p per, that means you
owe the swear box...30p! A nice round figure,
…just like my old woman’s :o.
"I'm a rag n' bone man, I'm not a poxy grave robber!" - Harold
"Hey careful man, there's a beverage here!" - The Dude
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Dirty Old Yank » Sat Mar 21, 2020 10:22 am

“To protect myself from the global corona virus pandemic,
I’m wearing a Cubs t-shirt…so I don’t catch anything.”

(For those that don’t know, the Chicago Cubs
are an legendarily inept baseball team.)
"I'm a rag n' bone man, I'm not a poxy grave robber!" - Harold
"Hey careful man, there's a beverage here!" - The Dude
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Uncle Nobby » Tue Mar 31, 2020 10:49 am

Dirty Old Yank wrote:“To protect myself from the global corona virus pandemic,
I’m wearing a Cubs t-shirt…so I don’t catch anything.”

(For those that don’t know, the Chicago Cubs
are an legendarily inept baseball team.)


Was that the team-shirt that Richard Prior's character wears in Brewster's Millions?
"And you look after those gloves!"
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Dirty Old Yank » Thu Apr 02, 2020 11:57 am

Uncle Nobby wrote:Was that the team-shirt that Richard Prior's character wears in Brewster's Millions?

Hi Nobby, I've not seen "Brewster's Millions". But as an added slight from cinema...in Michael Cimino's
excellent 1986 film "The Year of the Dragon", while berating a room full of his Chinatown beat-cops,
detective Mickey Rourke says to all of them, "You look like the Cubs, you look like you already lost."

Another reference from cinema you'll probably remember, is Elwood Blues (Dan Aykroyd)
falsifying his drivers license address (dumbfounding everyone in sight) to read...
1060 W. Addison...which is Wrigley Field, home of the Chicago Cubs :o.
"I'm a rag n' bone man, I'm not a poxy grave robber!" - Harold
"Hey careful man, there's a beverage here!" - The Dude
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Uncle Nobby » Fri Apr 03, 2020 11:00 am

Dirty Old Yank wrote:
Uncle Nobby wrote:Was that the team-shirt that Richard Prior's character wears in Brewster's Millions?

Hi Nobby, I've not seen "Brewster's Millions". But as an added slight from cinema...in Michael Cimino's
excellent 1986 film "The Year of the Dragon", while berating a room full of his Chinatown beat-cops,
detective Mickey Rourke says to all of them, "You look like the Cubs, you look like you already lost."

Another reference from cinema you'll probably remember, is Elwood Blues (Dan Aykroyd)
falsifying his drivers license address (dumbfounding everyone in sight) to read...
1060 W. Addison...which is Wrigley Field, home of the Chicago Cubs :o.


Hi Dirty Old Yank.

Yes I remember Elwood Blues' address as Wrigley Field, and I also found out the answer to my question.

It was a Cubs shirt worn by Richard Prior in Brewster's Millions, a very funny film you should check it out.

A white shirt with blue stripes the Cubs logo over the left breast a Blue Circle with a Red C with UBS written inside of it.

Cheers Uncle Nobby
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Dirty Old Yank » Sat Apr 04, 2020 9:42 am

Thanks for the recommendation, I'll look for it when our library opens again, which might not be till Fall.
Had I known they were going to shut their doors I'd have first borrowed more/better DVD's, but at least
I got a few good ones including the Orson Welles documentary "Magician" (2014) and a favorite noir,
Jules Dassin's excellent "Night and the City" (1950) which was filmed in London.
Very highly recommended, the 2 disc Criterion edition is best 8).

All the proper video shops closed years ago, not because of the internet (a common misconception),
but because of corporate greed. I did get lucky yesterday though, found some collected comedy,
...ten W. C. Fields movies and eight Abbot & Costello movies, some with commentaries, about
five quid for the lot :o.

With the global pandemic making so many people ill or killing them, that joke seems pretty
tasteless, but Phil did specify jokes bad or otherwise. Wearing surgical gloves & mask
in public, I look a bit like Vincent Price, but for surgical gown & scalpel go we :roll:.
"I'm a rag n' bone man, I'm not a poxy grave robber!" - Harold
"Hey careful man, there's a beverage here!" - The Dude
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Re: Jokes (bad or otherwise)...

Postby Dirty Old Yank » Sat Jul 04, 2020 11:59 am

"We’ve got a telescope* that can scan and photograph our Universe,
...So why do we still check prostates with fingers?" :?

Misplaced priorities methinks, that or shortsighted
physicians that would've been better suited
manipulating muppets for Jim Henson :roll:.

* Hubble Deep Fields:
https://hubblesite.org/contents/articles/hubble-deep-fields.
"I'm a rag n' bone man, I'm not a poxy grave robber!" - Harold
"Hey careful man, there's a beverage here!" - The Dude
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