Funniest Line

[harryfaversham]

Here's a good debate for everybody. What in your opinion is the funniest single line of the entire series? This should be interesting lol

[Karl]

"You dirty ol' man" surely?

[Archie]

When the psychiatrist asks Harold "Are you a homosexual" the look on Harolds face always makes me roar

[harryfaversham]

yeah 'are you looking for a clout round the earole?' lol

[Dirty Old Yank]

I don't have every episode memorized (yet), but despite that there's still far too many to choose from, the scripts were that good.
But when I think of funniest lines, for some reason one episode always comes to mind, "A Pilgrims Progress."
"Medals? I thought you sent them back when the Beatles got the MBE!" is one.
"Here you are late again, when it's nearly all over!" is another.
So many more...and not all of them got a big laugh from the studio audience either.
Sometimes it's the subtle bits that really tickle me

[PhilGlass]

One of mine doesnt even get a laugh from the studio audience... "that wallpaper's as goood as the day your Mother put it up..." I can just imaine old Emily Steptoe doing the decorating while Albert its down the Skinner's Arms!!!

[Karl]

Here's another if i can have a second one?
From "porn Yesterday"
"My own father,a male Linda lovelace". anyone who knows her films has to giggle at this one!!

[bob]

I made my favourite line clear when I named this forum. From 'Divided We Stand' In an argument over the telly Harold claims to have the law of contract on his side, Albert replies 'I've got the knobs on my side' !!!! Classic

[winstonlegthigh]

a lot of the funniest lines don't seem funny written down, its the way they are said and the context in which they are said. For example, that episode, one of the Christmas ones, which goes:

Harold: ugh, you're so Plebian, aren't you?

Albert: THATS A SWEAR WORD! (cuz they have a swear jar going)

Harold: No it isn't. A plebian refers to a member of the lower order of society...class 5.

Now written down thats not ever so funny but the WAY in which Harry Corbett says it...and the context in that he is a working class english rag and bone man talking to his own father in something of an affected posh accent and then the camera on Wilfred Brambell dressed as Albert dresses looking every bit the dictionary definition of "class 5" with that deadpan expression on his face, just makes me crease up, i don't know why but it's just hilairious to me.

And also, In porn Yesterday, where Harold, in his best posh disgusted vernacular goes "How can you liken yourself to Oliver Reed or Marlon Brando! I mean look at you!!!" and the camera turns to albert in his shorts, bony body, saggy skinned, grey unshaved almost bearded face, hunched shoulders looking about as far away from Oliver Reed or Marlon Brando as you can possibly get, it's just hilairious!

[Dirty Old Yank]

With all due and sincere respect, some might argue he was an actor on their par, or would be if he had been given the opportunity.
I'm not disputing the point or taking the joke out of context...just a thought.

[winstonlegthigh]

Oh definitely! Harry H Corbett was up there with them, unless you're referring to Wilfred Brambell but even then, he could hold his own with any actor on the planet but i think the funny-ness of it was referring specifically to Alberts character saying, y'know, nude scenes are alright because Marlon Brando and Oliver Reed had all "shown their bums" and Harolds character is saying how can you liken yourself lookswise to those two, thats sort of what made it funny. The archetype of Marlon Brando, who in his younger days looked almost like a greek God and the late great Oliver Reed compared to shrivelled dirty looking topless old man steptoe with a pigeon chest, slumped shoulders and 3 days of beard growth

But yeah, i agree with you, Harry and Wilf were amazing actors. i mean just look at Come Dancing, the beginning of that episode is like...over 5 minutes of pure monologue by Harry H Corbett, most actors can't pull that off for a minute, especially in the context of a comedy scene...and actually be funny, whilst acting bored, it's just brilliant. Harry H Corbett and Wilfred Brambell performed their arses off for Steptoe and Son in a way that feels, when you watch it onscreen, as almost too classy, too good for a situation comedy. Steptoe and Son is amazingly written, fabulously written, not taking anything away from Galton and Simpson (nor could i) but the characters are all Corbett and Brambell, what they do in that show, to me, is nothing short of pure theatre, it's just wonderful, beyond anything i've even seen approached by any other comedy before or since.

That level of pathos, even when approached or attempted these days, as in shows like OFAH is lauded and applauded and Steptoe was awash with it, there are bits and pieces of it in almost every episode and some episodes are awash with it.

Referring again back to The Siege of Steptoe Street, that scene where Albert is begging the butcher Stacey to not take his home away, if you watch that scene, outside of the context of the episode, honestly, it could make you cry, the whole way in which it's photographed, the black and white, Wilfred pleading with Stacey and him and the baliffs brushing him aside, it's just absolutely magnificent. There is tons and tons of these all over the 8 series of Steptoe, it's just absolutely without peer.

But yeah, Brambell and Corbett more than worthy of acting alongside Marlon Brando and Oliver Reed and, at least in the case of Olly Reed, they might've even been better actors although it's all subjective, there isn't an all purpose actors talent guage by which you can measure these things by, an actor is as good as the response he gets from his audience and that differs from person to person.

Sorry, i've sort of rambled there but i can't help it, i always end up doing this when i'm talking about Steptoe

[Dirty Old Yank]

...it's all subjective, there isn't an all purpose actors talent guage by which you can measure these things by, an actor is as good as the response he gets from his audience and that differs from person to person.

Well said spot on post, although I was referring to Wilf. And at the end of the day, if I had to choose...I'd rather see Wilf's bum than theirs. It would have been more of a surprise, despite his risking it long before either one of them did.

[THE VICAR]

"its the vicar oh gwad hes had two bob of me allready this year dose he think im made of money and yeah that used to be a right old knocking shop harlod through grited tetth it was a wheel wrights from men of letters cracks me up every time nick

[pshall1950]

There are so many funny lines in the scripts that it is difficult to single any one out. But one of my favourites occurs when Albert reveals to Harold that he has met someone he intends to marry. Harold dissapproves and quarrels with him, during which he asks in an angry tone:

"who is this ole bag anyway?"

[winstonlegthigh]

Some of the best dialogue in A Hard Days Night is Wilfs:

Grandfather: Well, you got me here so do your worst, but by God, I'll take one of you with me! I know your game. Get me into that tiled room and then out come the rubber hoses!
Police Inspector: Oh, there's a fire, is there?
Grandfather: You ugly, great brute. You have sadism stamped all over your bloated British kisser!
Police Inspector: Eh?
Grandfather: I'll go on hunger strike! I know your caper. The kidney punch and the rabbit clout. The third degree and the size twelve boot ankle tap.
Police Inspector: What's he on about?
Grandfather: I'm a soldier for the Republic! You'll need the mahogany truncheons on this boyo.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Grandfather and Ringo are held in a police station]
Grandfather: Have they roughed you up yet?
Ringo: What?
Grandfather: Oh, they're a desperate crew of drippings, and they've fists like mature hams for pounding poor defenseless lads like you. One of us has got to escape. I'll get the boys. Hold on, son, I'll be back here.
Ringo: For me?
Grandfather: And if they get you on the floor, watch out for your brisket.
Ringo: They seem all right to me.
Grandfather: Ah, sure, that's what they want you to think. All coppers are villains.
Police Inspector: Would you two like a cup of tea?
Grandfather: See, *sly* villains.


Not S&S lines but i thought i'd chuck em in here