Funniest Line

[tspencer]

In.. Divided We Stand.
Harold: You are morally, spiritually and physically a festering fly blown heap of accumulating filth!!

[Dirty Old Yank]

"I never saw a bird move so quick, she was out of here faster than a bishop from a brothel raid!" - Albert / And So To Bed

[Tom Jones]

In Without Prejudice when Albert warns Harold about the estate agent.
Albert: I'm not leaving you alone with him, he'll ave your trousers down before you look at him.

[sammyRV]

'never mind king zog flees, we've got king size flees'.............

[CurriedGoolies]

So many of them...

"Ere, what's the size of my mum's bristols got to do with anything?"
"Oh, you don't know him, he can get on your tits something rotten"
"You 'ad a lovely bleedin' war didn't yer - all them Canadians!"
"And if you feels like a D'Oyley Carte, kindly go outside"
"The next item on the menu will be curried goolies"
"She's got TB...Two Beauties!"

"Afternoon Mr Steptoe...quite an Indian summer we're having"
"Yeah, well there's enough of them living around here!"

[harryfaversham]

At the risk of being branded a thoughtless racist (which I'm not in any way to be clear):-

Albert in the '73 Xmas Special-"Enoch's dreaming of a white Christmas!"

Just the delivery and the fact Ray & Alan could get away with writing a line like that back then always cracks me up

[steve sheffield]

As black as a Gorilla's goolies !
Albert describing a christmas pudding.

[Dirty Old Yank]

"That is my dad and he's an ignorant old git!" - Harold / A Star Is Born
"Sex mad you are!" - Albert / Sixty-Five Today

[Ivor Biggun]

Jonny: An 'orse? We can't make a getaway on an 'orse!

Harold: Dick Turpin did...

[THE VICAR]

"its hitler dont metion the war it might upset him .

[THE VICAR]

"also from seance in a wet rag and bone yard you are a silly turd and youknow how it is when you meet a bird for the first time

[steve sheffield]

Big Walnut crusher's CORRRRRR......

[Ivor Biggun]

From My Old Man's a Tory

Albert to the Labour Party agent: "I know which way YOUR seat will swing when I stick my boot up it!"

[HILTS3188]

harold.......father at times i do find you inpinge on my finer aesthetic moments.

albert.......so what your saying is, i get on your tits.

sheer genius and in the right circumstances, i use harolds line to my wife, has her chuckling

[thejunkman]

Albert : 'Ere, I remember this - Mussolini invades Albania - King Zog flees.
Harold : That's nothing mate, we got King Size fleas here!